Join me as I ride my bike for a friend on June 22

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This summer I am in this phase of riding my bike... a lot. Working hard to train with Team PHenomenal Hope, it has been my plan to sign up for races and rides that would test my physicial and mental toughness limits on the bike (i.e., meaning how far can I ride and still want to get back in the saddle the next day)? And probably my main goal has been to just ride in events that sounded fun. And so far so good, in fact I'm loving being on the bike and racing again.

I decided one of my big events this summer would be the Diabolical Double, a double metric century in Deep Creek, Maryland. And I registered a few months back, feeling excited to do this ride. It was just a training ride after all.

That was until I found out that my good friend, Tom, has recurrent malignant melanoma. You see, Tom is this brilliant guy who has this way of lighting up a room. When you talk to him, he truly is engaged in what you say, cares what you think, and man can he tell great stories. Tom and his wife are also two of the first people I met when I moved to Pittsburgh (and two of my favorite people), and we have been friends ever since. And now he's fighting and it feels like there is nothing I can do.

Except, for whatever it's worth, I can ride my bike, and I can spread the word about the bike ride's charity sponsor, the Joanna M. Nicolay Melanoma Foundation, and their "skin in the game" campaign. And so I am dedicating my 125 miles on the bike to Tom on June 22.

Melanoma is the deadliest form of skin cancer, and the incidence has been increasing for the last 30 years. The current lifetime risk of developing melanoma is 1 in 50. The Joanna M. Nicolay Melanoma Foundation is working to raise awareness, improve prevention and leverage funds for research.

Melanoma has hit my family. My grandfather died from it, my uncle survived it, and now my friend is bravely fighting this disease.

So this ride on June 22 just got personal. Will you join me on this ride by donating to this campaign? To donate please go to my fundraising page and together we will work hard to "win the fight."

And then one day...

After a major life event - whether it be related to one's health, one's job, or one's family - I would bet is is not uncommon to seek to return to one's old self. In fact, for weeks, months, even a year plus a person can work at it and work at it, see themselves as 80%, 90%, 95% there. Everyone has their last hump, their final climb, that pitch in the road where you just gotta get your bike over the crest to where it levels out, where you can move quickly again.

Along the way you work to convince yourself you're back. You're at that crest. It's behind you. You are 100%. You become a revisionist in your own living history, a survival technique of the optimist.
But then, one day, a switch flips. And it may not be one thing that does it but a series of small events, or prayers and positive thoughts from yourself and those closest to you, or inexplicably it just may be time for the old eschar to finally fall off revealing healed skin below, and that day you start to realize that you're not back to the way you were before the event. No. You realize you are stronger, that life is changed and even better than it once was. The stuff that rattled you and got under your nerves doesn't have that hold as much anymore. Every bike race has a new meaning. Every training ride has a new sense of satisfaction. Every moment with family and friends really means something. And work brings a new passion, a new curiosity, and new sense of urgency to contribute to the world around you.

There may be stresses and struggles and certainly difficult days, but it is true that somehow with time life becomes different and even better than it once was in the past.

So there is hope in that. When you go though something really challenging - e.g., a brain-rattling experience (whether literally or figuratively) - it may make no sense why or what for at the time. It may seem unbearable. But difficult times have the capacity to bring you to a new place, a better place, a solid place. And suddenly gratitude truly overflows.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The non-ride report: vacation

It is often easy to confuse living a full life that with filling every minute of every day. To the best of your ability you balance things: you balance work, working out, and a life outside of work. Figuring out ways to fit more in, get more done, contribute more, be productive, just do it all. Every minute seems to get filled. It just happens.
Somewhere in the midst of all this usual craziness and then some, last month my mom invited, "Do you want to take a long weekend and unwind in Sanibel with your dad and me?" After (maybe a little too) much deliberation, I said yeah, you know what? This opportunity is a gift. One long weekend. I can make this happen. You only live once, so the chance to spend time with my folks in a beautiful place, well that's really a no-brainer. Sign me up.
So this has not been a trip of work or for training, but it has been a trip of rest and restoration. Listening to the beach, watching the shore bird drama, seeing dolphin swim by the shore, and turtles and gators inland, looking for seashells. It has been a perfect trip.
Saturday night in Captiva
Dinner at the The Mucky Duck, enjoying wine outside while watching the sunset
















Sunday - Resting, sleeping, swimming, and a sunset cruise.
Awoke to a familiar and favorite view, and we spent the day at the beach, I swam in the Gulf for the first time in years, and rested. At night we went on a nature cruise of Tarpon Bay, starting with a touch tank of the creatures below the surface and then watched Osprey, brown pelican (& their babies), cormorant, and shore birds coming home to roost for the night. Sunset over the bay was beautiful.
























Monday - Scrabble Tournament with appropriate smack talk, baseball, and evening shell walk - In the morning I woke up and went down to the beach to greet my family. We played some major scrabble on the porch, and my dad and I played catch on the beach. Had wanted to do this for a looooong time. After a delicious dinner (by a key lime tree where you could see the limes at the tips of every branch!), we went for a beach walk at low tide, enjoying the shore birds, fascinated with the coquina, and picking up seashell talismans of our trip. Mom brought chocolate raspberry balsamic vinegar and deliciously drizzled it over locally made vanilla ice cream. Scrabble tournament standings at the end of the day: Mom 1, PG 1, Dad 1








































Tuesday - Relaxing and napping with the folks, riding bikes in the Refuge, reading by the ocean (sipping Pinot - appropriately named - while totally absorbed by Born to Run - stay tuned, because that will be a future blog post). Finished the day at Mucky Duck, then a walk on the beach under the stars. They are so bright & beautiful here. For the first time in a long time I did not check email all day. Disconnected. Vacation.








Wednesday - Woke up to see the sunrise, breakfast on the porch, and then a walk on the beach followed by a barefoot run on the beach. Pretty sweet way to start one's day. Wish I could stay longer, but thankful for this chance to relax, recharge the batteries and head back to life in Pittsburgh.
Concluding thoughts - Yeah, you lonely live once. Sometimes making the most out of everyday sometimes means doing very little other than enjoying every single day, the present moment. These past few days were all about that. Thankful for each unstructured minute of everyday.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Sanibel Island, Florida

Ride report: Morgantown Ride with JR

Today was a perfect day for riding a bicycle. Today was a perfect day for riding my bike with a good friend. The weather was wonderful, and the company even better. Although the forecast have predicted possible thunderstorms, blue skies swirled with cotton candy clouds, and 70° weather felt like spring.

We met up at high noon at the Petsko residence. After we hit the road, JR asked "where/how far do you want to go?" "Morgantown 2012 course," I said. So we headed out, and 5 miles later we were on the course. Admittedly, this is my longest road right outside so far this year. We would attack on 60 miles by the end of the day. And with some great climbs thrown into the mix. I have ridden this course several years, and it had always been a favorite.

It was amazing to recall the race from last year. I remembered the chill parts, every attack, every climb, and the part in that climb where the women's winner broke away solo off the front (I am pretty sure her name was Marianne Vos, I'm not sure). Yeah, I remembered it all. There were some cool moments in that race, some moments where I felt as strong as I had ever ridden. And of course we rode through the hairpin turn, but this time at less than 15 mph, the speed the smart locals take, as JR pointed out. It was nice to get a chance to rewrite a bit of history. Done.

But this time on this course there were new memories made, and these were awesome. I learned several interesting things today.

You don't have to travel very far to see all kinds of wildlife. I have known for a long time that western Pennsylvania and West Virginia comprise some of the most beautiful countryside in the US. And on the back roads of Pennsylvania that was definitely the case today. As we traveled by farms we saw so many critters, it was like our own "West Pennsylginia" Safari. We saw: Cows, calves, horses and miniature horses, alpacas, tons of dogs (of course - including one that ran and got in front of JR, pacing him down the road for a bit), cats, pig, groundhogs (damn you!), beaver dams, Goats, baby goats, miniature horses, turkeys, hawks, turkey vulture, and even the ever fearsome guinea fowl. Spring is definitely finally here.

Kittens can be very persistent.
At one point in our ride on a very quiet road, we found ourselves chased by a little black kitten. This kitten was running after us, meowing all the time. Of course we had to stop. And when we did the kitten was instant friends with JR. It came right up to us and our bikes and was all lovey-dovey. We took it back to its house, where we figured perhaps we could leave it. However the owner wasn't home so we tried to leave it on the porch or in the driveway, but to no avail as we pulled out on our bikes the kitten again followed us. We walked it back again, and this time I have the "bright"idea of walking it around his backyard and leaving it there. But of course the kitten followed me out to the front yard, and JR appropriately rolled his eyes at this effort. We decided to take off a third time, and this time if by the time we got to the white barn up ahead the kitten was still chasing after us, we would have to call one of JR's friends and bring it home. Our heart strings were pulled by the kittens meows running behind us, but when we did get to the white barn and turn around and looked back it had stopped and was starting to circle back towards home, meowing all the while in its displeasure at having lost its playmates for the day. Probably the cutest thing I have ever seen on a bike ride.

Headwinds make any ride a totally different animal. But boy are tailwinds fun. It was windy. It felt much like the Midwest. Much of the day mantra was "Turn off the wind." But that was until we caught a tailwind, which was amazing. You see with a tailwind you pedal putting out less than half of your usual effort, wattage-wise, and end up sailing effortlessly like a surfer on a perfect wave at 30 miles an hour on a level surface. It makes one feel superhuman. At least until you have to turn. Yeah so that was super fun.
There is this pleasure in making one's legs hurt and getting one's heart rate up, and pushing yourself on the bike.

With three days of riding outside and my legs - from a mountain bike ride with Kate in Frick on Friday, to an Oval workout on Saturday and a country side ride with Anne-Marie on Sunday, my legs felt it even at the beginning of the ride. And today was the longest time outside but I have had all year. No matter how much indoor training one does, no matter how much time on the trainer (and with the way our winter was there was a lot of time on the indoor trainer), it definitely is not the same. And JR, well he is strong. So for him this was an easy ride. It was great to have him pace me up some of the hills and make me push myself just a little bit more to catch up from time to time. Cyclists often use the word "suffer" or "suffer fest." But this ride was not at all suffering. It was about getting out there and pushing yourself a little, feeling the quads burn a little, losing your breath a little, and taking pleasure in the ability to be able to do so. it was about enjoying a beautiful day in a gorgeous place with a good friend.

There're so many reasons that I love to ride my bike. But the biggest reason of them all is riding my bike with friends. Thank you, JR, for a great ride today.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Near Morgantown, WV

Travels to Nice

Life is definitely an adventure. And I was recently made aware of that in a recent trip to Nice, France for the 5th World Symposium on Pulmonary Hypertension. I had been looking forward to this meeting for months. Every five years this is where the latest findings are discussed and questions are debated and more formed. In the past meetings, the different types of PH has been re-classified - changes in the nomenclature have come from this meeting. People present, get questioned and suggestions from the audience for upcoming guidelines, and then coffee breaks bring more discussion or posters, or catching up with friends who live far away. It was fun to see old friends and meet new people in the field as well. Although I attended almost every minute, and took assiduous notes, information from the meeting is embargoed until publication. So you won't see too many details here.

When you travel to a meeting like this, you see how many people are working on solving this problem called pulmonary hypertension, a disease with treatments but no cure. And we learned information from speakers not yet published - from new genes to new classifications. Meetings like this are important because they provide a way for us to start speaking the same language. To mean "green" when everyone uses the word "green."




So it was a fun trip for both of us. I use we, because this trip is special: my mom joined me for a few days in France. While I went to the meeting, she toured Nice, taking a cooking class, and we were able to play and enjoy France in the after hours.

These academic meetings serve for researchers as proverbial "shots in the arm," ways to survey the field and feel your inner drive to make an impact come to the surface. I returned with some jet lag, but feeling motivated, I look forward to the next meeting and plan to participate again.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Nice, France

A new homeostasis

Even if there are mountains ahead,
walking the path is beautiful

It has taken a long time to write this for many reasons, but I share this conclusion only because maybe finally I'm here. Although this has been sitting in my drafts folder for awhile now, I think it is now time to post it, and finally close a chapter. This past year has been full of challenges, and I will admit it took a lot longer than I had imagined to get back to 100%. Many say that after something major happens it can take awhile to get back to who/where you were, but the truth is, our lives continuously change, and experiences shape us. One thing I have learned is that there is never really a "getting back to who you were," no matter what life brings your way. I think it is more about getting to be comfortable with change, adapting, learning from life's challenges, and reaching a new understanding, a new homeostasis, if you will. When we are fortunate, major events and challenges bring clarity to what is important, and a sense of urgency to living a full life. But sometimes it takes a long time to understand this. (And man, it sure can take awhile to get back one's mojo, one's energy.)
I am grateful for my family and friends who stuck by me and somehow understood things when I didn't get it myself, when I was frustrated, or just needed someone to listen. I am thankful for those who accepted some of and helped me manage the damn re-entry phenomena - the way I would describe this is the sensation of a huge system coming back online with surges in areas and sluggishness in others - forgiving things that just didn't come across as I'd intended (the "surges"), or taking on a little (or sometimes a lot) of my load (the "sluggishness"), and just carrying on. Getting back to real life - balancing job, rest, and regaining a life outside of work - over the past several months often felt like a race car careening around a curve and then rocking side-to-side on two wheels in the next straightaway. Still on the track, but definitely not always the smoothest ride.
Most of all I am thankful for an experience that reminded me life is precious, that we just have to get up everyday and really live it and enjoy it, and joyfully participate in the world around us, because things can change so fast. Every single day is a gift.
I am thankful for everything - all of it. Life is good.
When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed. - Lyanla Vanzant
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Coming home

As I sat in church on Christmas Eve, I found myself in the midst of the most beautiful Christmas music, amongst wonderful people gathered together to celebrate this day. And at that moment, enveloped in the beauty of talents that church members shared - from the choir to the bell ringers, from the boor and violin trio to the boy soprano - I sat between my parents and took in the beauty of this moment. I always look forward to going home, especially over the holidays, but this year it was even more special. And I suppose that at that moment, as I sat in church, I started to realize why.
A homecoming allows time to slow down and reflect. And while my childhood home in Illinois is a literal touchstone, I believe we all have touchstones in our lives, even if our home has shifted to a city different from where we were raised. Among old friends in church, I sat there truly enjoying the present moment, and I felt this deep sensation that I had come back from a journey. As I allowed my mind to drift over the events of this past year, I acknowledged the months, from January through this moment, and felt a deep sense of gratitude for all that had come to pass - challenges and triumphs, at work and outside of work - in my life. Maybe that is what returning home is about.
In previous times home, like many I looked upon the new year as a chance to rebuild, remake, restart, reboot my fitness, science - become stronger, faster, lighter, more productive. But now I think it might be more about rejuvenation and recognizing who we are rather than who we would rather be. That's not to say goals are abdicated. In fact they may even be firmer in the clarity of this insight, but perspective has changed. There is something liberating in this.
Wishing you a holiday filled with rejuvenation, and a new year full of adventure and pleasure in the moment.
"The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life